There are moments in history that change the course of life. A year ago today was one of those moments.
Realizing that we haven't updated the blog in a while, we thought that this would be a perfect time to jump back into the fray. No doubt that I'll have a pretty lengthy write up soon to recap some of my thoughts, lessons learned, current struggles, recent victories, etc. but I thought it appropriate to ask Ash to give me a write up to commemorate the day (especially given that this time last year, the last thing I ever thought she'd be doing was writing a blog post). Below is her letter. Thanks for reading it. I hope you'll take a minute to reflect on your past year and that you'll see how God has worked in and through you and those around you to bring you where you are today.
To recap on last year's surgery day post: Go Here (Unexpectedly Expected)
Struggles and trials are often presented to us as things we need to avoid or minimize as much as possible, but that paradigm is absolutely contrary to what scripture calls us to embrace. Rejoice Always, consider it pure joy, don't be surprised... the list goes on. Let us press onward to look more like Jesus in every aspect of our lives. A lot of that refinement and 'looking like Jesus' is accomplished through these great, God-Ordained trials... May we be thankful that God loves us enough to put us through these struggles.
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October 24, 2017.
I can’t believe it has been a full year.
I’m crying just thinking back on all that this past year has entailed.
I’m crying just thinking back on all that this past year has entailed.
I have written, erased and re-written this post many times. It’s
been hard, emotional and tiring to try and summarize my thoughts. This has been
a year of long suffering, but I wouldn’t change it. Honestly, I really wouldn’t
change it. This has been such a season of growth and depth in my relationship
with God. James definitely spoke truth when he said,
“Consider it a great
joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because
you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let
endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking
nothing.”
-James 1:2-4
Joy, right? Most of the immediate days after chemo I can’t
get out of bed. Joy? Not being able to play with my girls all day because of
sickness/fatigue/seizures. Joy? Watching my husband carry a huge load on his
shoulders, and I’m not able to help more. Joy? I’m mentally and physically tired.
Joy? Being isolated in my house for most of the days, week after week. Joy,
huh?
The list of things that are counter intuitive to joy is long.
But that list is only noticeable is when I am focused inwardly. When my eyes
are looking only here, the anxiety grows. His word speaks directly to this. It
was written so long ago. But He knew we needed verses like this. To encourage
us, to command us, LOOK UP!
“I lift my eyes
toward the mountains.
Where will my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip;
your Protector will not slumber.”
Where will my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip;
your Protector will not slumber.”
-Psalm 121:1-3
Cancer and the treatments are acute reminders that my days
are numbered. My body is forever sick. This disease has damaged my body. If I
let my thoughts go unchecked, I can slip into a panic forgetting that God’s
presence is right alongside me. Oh, how He is good! He is near! My JOY and
HOPE are deeply rooted in Christ’s love for me. My comfort is not found in my
outcome, not my genetics, not by the statistics.
Jesus is my redeemer and my firm foundation.
“He lifted me out of
the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a
firm place to stand.”
-Psalm 40:2
“Yet I call this to
mind,
and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord’s faithful love
we do not perish,
for his mercies never end.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness!
I say, ‘The Lord is my portion,
therefore I will put my hope in him.’
The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
to the person who seeks him.”
and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord’s faithful love
we do not perish,
for his mercies never end.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness!
I say, ‘The Lord is my portion,
therefore I will put my hope in him.’
The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
to the person who seeks him.”
-Lamentations 3:21-25
In the craziness of this past year, I’ve come to know, learn
and love God as being Omniscient. Don’t ask me to pronounce it or even how to
spell it… because I will surely fail at both. But, it means that God is all
knowing.
It has been a confusing journey. Everything from trying to
get an actual diagnosis, surgery going different than expected (understatement),
still figuring out the difference of what a seizure looks like compared to brain
fatigue, and managing the right medicine cocktail for my body. There are a lot
of questions and still plenty of unknown answers. I have the BEST neurology/oncology
team; I cannot express how thankful I am that God has provided such a great
team for me. They are wonderful! God uses them to perform healing works under
His hand. My doctors have studied my images so many times that I’ve often wondered
how their eyes haven’t popped out. But, no matter how many doctors they consult
with or other institutions from around the nation they send my scans to… even
the best of the best can’t understand my brain like God does.
PRAISE BE TO GOD, FOR
HE KNOWS ALL THINGS. No detail escapes Him. Nothing takes Him by surprise. Sometimes
I am so thirsty for answers (how long will this course of treatment be
effective, will I get to drive again, will I get to practice physical therapy
again, am I going to get to watch my girls grow up, will there ever be a cure?)
that I far to often forget that God is Omniscient. I have to trust him. And
when I truly trust God (as in actually yielding trust in myself or my
situation), I find great comfort in knowing that the doctors don’t have all the
answers. They are great, but He is greater.
“For it was you who
created my inward parts;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I will praise you because I have been remarkably and wondrously made.
Your works are wondrous, and I know this very well.
My bones were not hidden from you when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw me when I was formless;
all my days were written in your book and planned before a single one of them began.”
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I will praise you because I have been remarkably and wondrously made.
Your works are wondrous, and I know this very well.
My bones were not hidden from you when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw me when I was formless;
all my days were written in your book and planned before a single one of them began.”
-Psalm 139:13-16
God knit me together in my mother’s womb where He knew my every
cell and every fiber. God sustains me now where He knows my every cell and every fiber. My tumor, diagnosis and
prognosis surprised David and I. Knocked us off our feet even, but here we are
standing… Standing stronger. Standing surer. Not standing because we know
what’s next or what we’re about to face, but standing with great faith that God
knows everything and it’s by His strength that we are held together.
He is trustworthy… and I will stand firm knowing that this
trial, this suffering has and continues to draw me nearer to Him.
“For as heaven is
higher than earth, so my ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts than
your thoughts.”
-Isaiah 59:9
In Christ,Ashley Huffstutler
You don't know me, but I have been following this blog since almost day one. I *think* I saw your story on a website, or on the news....I don't remember. I followed because the story y'all are so willing to share with others is a sweet testimony of the work the Lord is doing in you and in your family.
ReplyDeleteMy mother, seven years ago the 25th, was fine one minute, outside, doing normal things. During breakfast she went to take a shower, and was calling for help just a couple minutes later. My sister and I watched her as she curled up on her bed and just kinda quit breathing. We obviously called EMS, and they left in ambulance with all of us kids (8 of us!) standing there, wondering if we would ever see mama alive again. She was 24 weeks pregnant, and our father was in another state on a work related trip.
An AVM had ruptured, and they ended up doing brain surgery simultaneously with a c-section. My baby sister was in NICU 97 days, and my mother had a total of two surgeries and about 3 weeks in the hospital. It was a crazy time, but while everything was falling apart around us, and while we were wondering who would still be alive in a year, we were flled with a peace. A peace and hope and joy that could ONLY come from the author and finished of our faith. It was as if the Lord was carrying is through each day, avoiding the potholes of fears and the detours of what-ifs.
We did find peace in knowing that God is omniscient. He knew what would happen and had it all under control, even when everything was falling apart in catastrophic ways. One song that meant a lot to us as a family was "Draw Me Ever Nearer" by Keith and Kristyn Getty. The chorus says: "May this journey bring a blessing // May I rise on wings of faith // And at the end of my hearts testing // With your likeness let me wake."
We are still praying for you and your precious family.
May Jesus Christ be praised!
Kaitlyn S.