Leaning In

Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted in spite of your changing moods. – C. S. Lewis

Writing this entry has already proven to be a challenge.  It's been a while since the last post and a lot has gone on since then.  To recap all of it would take an enormous amount of time.  The long and short of it all: we've gone through a spider bite infection, a horribly nauseous round of chemo, several rounds of sickness with the kids, plenty of doctor's visits and the ins-and-outs of life in general.  We've also gone through several moments of needed encouragement, tender moments with our girls, recharging moments as husband/wife and a boost of energy provided by the church.  

Putting that quote by C.S. Lewis at the start of this post was intended to serve as a reminder that life stages are not constant, situations and circumstances are always changing... sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse, but ultimately change is an inevitability. What's important to keep in perspective is that at the end of the day, regardless of what's arisen and thrown in our direction, our faith remains grounded in Christ.  There are days when that seems easier than others.  There are moments when that faith seems to be the size of a grain of sand and others when that faith feels as solid as the granite mountainside.  It'd be easy to get discouraged in the former moments and just as easy to swell with confidence in the latter, but the longer we run this race the more I'm confident that these moments are going to continue to happen and that the important thing is to grab hold of faith (regardless of the amount) and lean in to hear the Father whisper in those moments.  He is never far away and is certainly the greatest source of strength and comfort in all stages of life.

So, I'm typically one that likes to consider as many outcomes as possible before taking action or plan through all stages of an event before actually committing and engaging.  The challenge of this season of life is that there isn't enough time, nor energy, to have such a luxury (if that's what it is).  I'm learning to stretch and bend in areas that I previously didn't.  I am learning to have a greater appreciation for leadership (not only in my own behavior, but recognizing it when I see it in/from others).  Making a decision, being teachable, but also relentless in commitment.  Conversely, I'm also more aware of situations where a lack of leadership is apparent (again, in my own behavior and also in others) and it (the lack of leadership) lights a fire under me.  We need more leaders, not loud voices trying to always get his/her way, but true leadership that creates movement.  There are plenty of opportunities for leadership out there and many of them don't even require being 'in charge' or 'having command'.  This season of life is certainly proving to be a training ground for leadership.  I'm thankful that God is providing such opportunities.

In this leg of the marathon that we're running, things are more settled than they have been in a while (no emergent conditions, no life/death moments, no major calamity otherwise) and, in the more settled moments, there are opportunities to start to process everything that's going on.  It's been a really good season to reflect on how the Lord has provided for our family during this time.  There's also been some time of reflection to see where I've missed some pretty clutch moments of boasting in what the Lord has done for us to others around me.  ...lack of leadership, lack of discipline, lack of 'gumption'... call it whatever you want to, but the bottom line is that we're getting to experience a pretty incredible story, and it deserves nothing less than to be laid at the feet of Jesus bringing in as many people into the fold as possible to hear of all He's done.

Presently, we are in the fourth round of chemo.  We started on Wednesday (5/16/18) and will end on Sunday (5/20/18).  We are so thankful that this round has been a little easier so far.  Our medical team added an infusion of some anti-nausea medication this time around, and it has definitely taken the edge off of the otherwise overwhelming nausea.  Honey has also been in town for this round and that's enabled me to have a small break from the daily grind (Thank you Honey!).  Barring any curve balls, we will hopefully travel through this round relatively unscathed.  We have plans to go to the beach as a family in the middle of June (before round 5 of chemo).  Everyone should be as good as they can be before that trip (and for that, we are excited!).  We are greatly looking forward to those moments/memories as a family.  Our girls haven't been to the beach before, so it'll be a great time to introduce a 3 year old and an (will be) 11 month old to the sand and ocean.  

Thank you for continuing to pray for our family during this journey.  I'm finding myself during these 'slower' times loosening my grip on prayer for my family and for Jesus to be made known to others through this story (probably shouldn't broadcast that, but it's the truth and I sometimes wonder if that's not typical of many in these situations). Here are some ways to intercede for our family:

• That we wouldn't lose sight of our mission and Christ followers: To know Jesus as intimately as possible and to make His gospel known to everyone we come in contact with
• That we not grow weary in this race, that we would hold tight to the rest, strength, joy and grace the Lord provides
• We would continue to spur one another on toward good works and not retreat in to our 'routine' days
• That we'd continue to be stretched, pulled and disciplined to look more like Jesus everyday; regardless of how 'easy' or 'difficult' it is
• My compassion and gratitude would be increased
• Ashley's energy level would hold and even grow as we move forward
• That Ashley would continue to find engagement amongst others around her
• For our girls to start to understand more and more of the situation we are in (this is more for our 3 year old who is essentially a sponge at this point in life, learning and growing at every bend)

Thanks! 

...until next time.