Sweet Moments

As part of this journey, Ashley has been spending some time writing and is wanting to update the blog more frequently.  So, she'll be taking the reigns for the foreseeable posts.

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I had the sweetest moment in my last round of chemotherapy <3

Let's take a minute to pause and reflect on the fact that I have officially completed round NINE!!

It wasn't easy, it wasn't fun, I've got the bruises to prove it... but round nine is done!!

'You are to fear the Lord your God and worship him.  Remain faithful to him and take oaths in his name.  He is your praise and he is your God, who has done for you these great and awe-inspiring works for your eyes have seen.'  -Deut. 10:20-21

David and I are always truthful with our girls about my health.  The baby is sweetly oblivious (as she should be for a 1.5 year old) about my diagnosis.  But, sometimes, when I'm really struggling, I feel this little tiny person come up from behind me and give me a hug.  So, she doesn't know about brain cancer but she knows about compassion.

Our oldest is making more observations... and as any 3.5 year old should, she LOVES asking questions.  If I've heard 'Why?' once, I've heard it 100 times.  Some of my other favorites: "Is God's heart blue?  Does bread make me grow? Do I live on Earth? Are there dinosaurs at the beach?"

When we talk to her about my cancer, we try to use words that she would understand.  'I have a spot in my head' (as opposed to tumor) or 'I've got to take extra medicine this week' (as opposed to saying chemotherapy).  'All the blinking light toys have to stay in your room...' (as opposed to Mommy has epilepsy and those toys can cause a seizure)... So forth and so on.

One night during this last round of chemo, I was feeling well enough to put our oldest into bed.  Normally, we would read a book but she asked if we could look at pictures on my phone instead (most of which are her being super silly).  As we flipped through the pictures, she swiped her little finger across the screen and there was a picture of me at the infusion clinic (getting some fluids/nausea meds).  It wasn't a picture that I meant to show her, but here we were...

"Mommy, are you hurt?" --- Blinking back tears, I quickly told her something to ease her fears.  But I started feeling anxious.  I barely addressed her question.  I didn't know what to say.  Then I saw a verse she had memorized on her wall... it's a paraphrase (or the song version) of Phil. 4:6.

'Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything.  Tell God what you need and thank Him for all He's done.'   -Phil. 4:6 

We read the verse together.  I asked her if she was sitting in front of God and could ask him for anything, what would she ask for... She took a very LONG minute to think about it!  I mean, she really thought hard about it.  Then, she said she wanted to ask God if she could play outside in the rain one day.  Isn't it amazing how simple, sweet and innocent a child's heart/mind can be at times?  I mean... don't let me mislead you, she needs Christ and it's only through His blood that purity in heart is found, but the common innocence of not being influenced by anything to come up with her answer is what I'm talking about.

After we talked through that we prayed.  Our usual prayer at night goes something similar to this: "Dear God, thank you for daddy, mommy, and my sister.  Thank you for our friends.  Thank you for our teachers and those that invest in us.  Thank you for the blessings you provide and the opportunities you give us to make you bigger.  Thank you for the food you give us.  Please give us a good night's rest.  Amen!"

That night, we held hands like normal (somehow I wound up holding catboy's hand and she held the other as we created a small circle of hands holding).  I prayed, "God, Thank you for today.  Someone needs to ask you something."  My daughter opened her eyes, looked up at me and closed her eyes back and said, "God, I want to play outside in the rain."  As we finished praying it went like this, "God, please heal the spot in my head.  Thank you for hearing us.  Thank you that we can pray big and small prayers to you and you hear them all."  Two nights later, it rained!  It rained HARD!  It was COLD and dark outside.  We were in the middle of the bedtime routine, but God provided rain.  So, we stopped everything, got dressed up warm and put on jackets and we outside to play in the rain!!

Afterwards, I was able to talk to her about how God listens and hears our prayers.  He may not answer the way we want, but he listens.

'Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!'  -Ps. 116:2

Whatever season of life you are in, I hope you truly know that God listens when you call out to Him.  And, as a mother, I pray that every time my daughter dances in the rain it will remind her of those moments and that God is faithful, trustworthy and true.