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My Cup Flows Over

Have you ever had a verse that just lands so perfectly in a season that you know it was God ordained to hear it?
When we put the girls down at night, we do a short Bible devotional.  There's one page in the book that our youngest asks for EVERY night.  We think it's really more about the picture (a cup of milk that is running over because the mom is continuing to pour milk in it).  There have been literal tantrums thrown in our house by said daughter over this very topic.  We ALL know this verse because we read this page frequently.  We ALL know it is on page 209 in the book.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Psalm 23:5

The first time we actually read this devotion... it sat heavy on my heart.  ...my cup overflows.

What a simple verse that has taken up root in my heart.  These little words felt so distant from me.  When I look at my cup right now, it seems more empty than full.  This verse says overflowing.  Overflowing??!  More like overwhelmed.  Short on strength.  Heavy on tears.  Questions.  Doubts.  Anxiety.

The truth of God overfilling my cup and heart in this season is hard to wrap my mind around.  My tumor is growing.  It's obvious in my words, in my movements, in my memories.  It breaks my heart.  And even though there have been so many doors closed recently (regarding my treatment options) I absolutely have the best team working hard on my behalf.

I've been keeping this verse close to my heart.  I repeat it constantly.  I pray it often.  It's obvious that God is using this verse to speak to me in multiple ways.  By his unending, good grace, He gives me time to process, time to struggle and time to dwell.  Circling back to this small, beautiful verse... In my current season of life, as I reflect on the previous couple of weeks, I see God's blessing even in the valley I'm in.  Easter was a timely season that my heart was longing for.  In our PJs, amidst the corralling of busy little girls, drinking my warm cup of tea... Jesus' actions and His story spoke loudly.  The CROSS on which my Savior died to atone for my sins, the love the Father showed by orchestrating this story and the peace Jesus brings in conquering death... it is exactly what I needed to hear.
It is JESUS whose cup was literally poured out... knowingly.  In prolonged agony.  I'll never fully understand the gravity of this.  The spilling of His sacrificial blood helps me shift my thoughts.  It allows me to see that my cup is full and overflowing.  The Psalm that David wrote contains a treasure trove of encouragement.  Will I fight to see His blessings?  Do I seek courage to know He is worthy?  Am I asking for wisdom in times of suffering?  Can I see that my cup runs over?

God is faithful.  This is evident in every moment of the day.  He is generous.  He is full of love and patient toward us.

Oh that God would help me to look at what seems like an empty cup at times and transform my heart to see all of His goodness and grace flowing out of it instead.  Oh that I would richly dwell in His presence.
Lastly, in this season of COVID-19, be reminded of Psalm 23.  Know that you are loved deeply.  In the complexity and strains that this season brings, you are not forgotten by the Lord Almighty.
----
Tomorrow I start a new treatment cycle.  I've been on a new medication for the past month or so with the intent to essentially choke off the blood supply to the tumor.  After we learned that the chemotherapy was somewhat ineffective against the tumor we opted to begin this medication.  We also discovered that I'd be a candidate for Proton Radiation Therapy.  So, tomorrow, I will start my course of Proton Radiation.  Praying specifically that this would have minimal ill-effects but would have maximum damage to the tumor.  The prospect of being back in radiation is bittersweet.  Not excited about the process but thankful for the opportunity.

Comments

  1. Ginny EvansApril 29, 2020 at 9:06 AM

    You are being prayed for by many and we are believing that God is on the Move and He is able to kill this tumor!!! Believe and receive in the Name of Jesus! You are such a testimony and encouragement to all!! And you and David and your precious girls are loved!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. MarthaApril 29, 2020 at 1:54 PM

    Always in my heart and prayer! You and your husband are such a blessing to others! Much love! Martha

    ReplyDelete
  3. Heather KattnerMay 1, 2020 at 10:37 AM

    Many prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AshleySeptember 23, 2020 at 12:48 AM

    Ashley, we are praying for you so heavily. I feel like I know you even though I don’t really. But I am also suffering from a left frontal lobe Astrocytoma (a glioma that is 10 cm and some of it goes into my right side) what used to be a stage 2 but my oncologist is assuming now it is a stage 3. It is a slow growing tumor but still cancerous. I have been on Temodar for 2 ish years, but last summer they took me off the Temodar, and I started having seizures to the point where I cannot even remember having them, cannot remember the days, the memories, etc. It makes me so sad to realize these truths. I also have an odema or edema around my tumor as well. So I started radiation last October and it went for a little over 6 ish weeks, then after the radiation I went in for chemotherapy but it was a new kind. And during all of this I was on meds for the seizures and steroids. My body is jacked up, I hate having so many shots and sometimes I am ready to stop. But I know I cannot just give up. God loves us, he is sovereign over us. I also have kids that are now 11, 8, and 6. I have had this slow growing tumor for 5 years now. I can’t believe that. But I was also just writing to say that I will remember your family and to encourage us both with the love of God. I heard once that God has us in the best place for us right now. I don’t fully understand it, and I am sure you won’t either but just know that God is so so so loving, kind and good to us. Also, if you guys want to know what all the meds I am on know please let me know. There are still a lot, but I am not sure if you have tried these for the seizures. We live in Turkey right now. Anyway, love you sister!

    ReplyDelete
  5. AshleySeptember 23, 2020 at 12:59 AM

    7 He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD.
    8 His heart is steady; he will not be afraid...... - Psalm 112:7-8

    Praying that we both would have hearts that are firm in Christ Jesus.
    And on the last post, I forgot to say that I knew your old Mission pastor at your church. And to say isn’t also amazing that we have the same name and spell it the same. Hahaha

    ReplyDelete

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