I love Easter. I love it so much. I love ALL of the miracles we are reminded of during the Easter season. I have no idea what the bunny is about, but, I do know that Easter Sunday of 1995 is when 7 year old Ashley gave her life to Christ. BEST. DECISION. I'VE. EVER. MADE. Seriously, the BEST!
Please enjoy the picture. It makes me smile from the inside out. The missing tooth, the homemade Easter dress (courtesy of my mom), the glamorous red carpet, my mom's radiant smile AND (even though you can't hear it in the picture) the organ playing I Have Decided to Follow Jesus.
Ok, all giggles aside, becoming a Christian course corrected my life. It wasn't a dramatic change on the outside (at least for me). It was a precious first step. Repent. From there, God continued to work on my heart. I grew in my faith. Slowly. I didn't have all of the answers overnight, but the growth in Jesus I experienced was daily, weekly and it came from believing God's Word. It was trusting that those Words were true and following them in love. I was not perfect (I'm still not perfect, nowhere close), but I was (and praise God, still am) growing. My faith was increasing.
My life had steep valleys long before I was diagnosed with cancer. It's never been an easy road. But, PRAISE GOD, He reached down for me, held me, rescued me, supported me and delighted in saving me.
He reached down from on high
and took hold of me;
he pulled me out of deep water.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy
and from those who hated me,
for they were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my calamity,
but the Lord was my support.
He brought me out to a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
Psalm 18:16-19
I don't love being sick. Not at all. When I hear someone say they have cancer, my heart clinches. I feel sick knowing what they may go through. Knowing the number of needles they'll face... Seriously, WHY SO MANY NEEDES?! Radiation, chemotherapy, nausea, seizures, dehydration, hair loss, friends in the community dying. I'm confident that you have experienced trials. Something has gone awry in your life. What ever it is, I think we all know, suffering hurts. It hurts really, really badly. It is NOT kind; but, having gone through some intense waves of suffering, I know this... SUFFERING IS GOOD FOR ME! That's what refines my faith. That's where my faith grows. That's what provides confidence in God's provision.
This road is hard. Really, really hard. I've been blessed to share parts of my story with others. People have often asked, 'How do you do it?' Sometimes I freeze because the answer feels so complicated. The reality is, it's not complicated. The answer is simple: It's Faith. Looking back, the trials of the last (almost) two years feel overwhelming and insurmountable. Thanks be to God, for HE has been my steady way finder, my guide and my refuge.
Looking back on my life to this point, it is evident how every trial faced, every disappointment delivered, every scare experienced; they have all ended in my faith growing greater. I've grown intimately nearer to the Lord.
There have been times on this cancer journey where my faith has been weaker. Even in those moments of my poor faith, God is always faithful. He is always good. It doesn't mean I get what I want or even what I pray for, but it does mean He grows for Himself the most glory and is ultimately providing for my most good.
I've been remembering back to my surgery. I had (literally) thousands of people praying for everything to go smoothly. People were praying all over America and throughout different countries (so incredible!) that surgery would be successful. The surgery was incredibly well planned. There were over 10 doctors in the operating room. I saw each of them that morning and love the fact that they were all given gifts by God to do the work they do. I am absolutely confident that I had the A-Team. They were ready. I was ready. It all started well, BUT for reasons not known to me, it all fell apart. Perfect planning, amazing doctors, prayer upon prayer... it all fell apart. God heard each prayer! He heard each plea! God knew that the plan would be different than what we wanted/expected. I don't understand it, but I can trust it.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:9
Joy sat right next to my sadness. It hugged my despair. Peace held my hands. The overwhelming thoughts of the future was cradled by the God who knows the number of every star in the sky.
I wouldn't have ever chosen brain cancer as a trial to face; but, I'm thankful God saw fit for this to be my journey. It has created a resiliency in my faith that I otherwise wouldn't have known. I pray for God's glory to be brighter through this trial. For the Gospel of Jesus, His Glory, and my refinement through fire... I will continue to praise Him; I'll endure because He is my strength. I know a time is coming where there is no more suffering and the tears will be wiped away for those who trust and believe.
You rejoice in this, even though now for a short time, if necessary, you suffer grief in various trials so that the proven character of your faith-more valuable than gold which, though perishable, is refined by fire-may result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him; though not seeing him now, you believe in him, and you rejoice with inexpressible and glorious joy, because you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
1 Peter 1:6-9
Thank you to everyone who continues to love on us so kindly. We are grateful to have so many prayer warriors standing in the gap. My next scan is on June 7th. It will be my first scan without having chemo (or any treatment for that matter) for three months. Thinking about that scan can be overwhelming, but what an opportunity to continue to trust in what the Lord is doing!
Please enjoy the picture. It makes me smile from the inside out. The missing tooth, the homemade Easter dress (courtesy of my mom), the glamorous red carpet, my mom's radiant smile AND (even though you can't hear it in the picture) the organ playing I Have Decided to Follow Jesus.
Ok, all giggles aside, becoming a Christian course corrected my life. It wasn't a dramatic change on the outside (at least for me). It was a precious first step. Repent. From there, God continued to work on my heart. I grew in my faith. Slowly. I didn't have all of the answers overnight, but the growth in Jesus I experienced was daily, weekly and it came from believing God's Word. It was trusting that those Words were true and following them in love. I was not perfect (I'm still not perfect, nowhere close), but I was (and praise God, still am) growing. My faith was increasing.
My life had steep valleys long before I was diagnosed with cancer. It's never been an easy road. But, PRAISE GOD, He reached down for me, held me, rescued me, supported me and delighted in saving me.
He reached down from on high
and took hold of me;
he pulled me out of deep water.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy
and from those who hated me,
for they were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my calamity,
but the Lord was my support.
He brought me out to a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
Psalm 18:16-19
I don't love being sick. Not at all. When I hear someone say they have cancer, my heart clinches. I feel sick knowing what they may go through. Knowing the number of needles they'll face... Seriously, WHY SO MANY NEEDES?! Radiation, chemotherapy, nausea, seizures, dehydration, hair loss, friends in the community dying. I'm confident that you have experienced trials. Something has gone awry in your life. What ever it is, I think we all know, suffering hurts. It hurts really, really badly. It is NOT kind; but, having gone through some intense waves of suffering, I know this... SUFFERING IS GOOD FOR ME! That's what refines my faith. That's where my faith grows. That's what provides confidence in God's provision.
This road is hard. Really, really hard. I've been blessed to share parts of my story with others. People have often asked, 'How do you do it?' Sometimes I freeze because the answer feels so complicated. The reality is, it's not complicated. The answer is simple: It's Faith. Looking back, the trials of the last (almost) two years feel overwhelming and insurmountable. Thanks be to God, for HE has been my steady way finder, my guide and my refuge.
Looking back on my life to this point, it is evident how every trial faced, every disappointment delivered, every scare experienced; they have all ended in my faith growing greater. I've grown intimately nearer to the Lord.
There have been times on this cancer journey where my faith has been weaker. Even in those moments of my poor faith, God is always faithful. He is always good. It doesn't mean I get what I want or even what I pray for, but it does mean He grows for Himself the most glory and is ultimately providing for my most good.
I've been remembering back to my surgery. I had (literally) thousands of people praying for everything to go smoothly. People were praying all over America and throughout different countries (so incredible!) that surgery would be successful. The surgery was incredibly well planned. There were over 10 doctors in the operating room. I saw each of them that morning and love the fact that they were all given gifts by God to do the work they do. I am absolutely confident that I had the A-Team. They were ready. I was ready. It all started well, BUT for reasons not known to me, it all fell apart. Perfect planning, amazing doctors, prayer upon prayer... it all fell apart. God heard each prayer! He heard each plea! God knew that the plan would be different than what we wanted/expected. I don't understand it, but I can trust it.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:9
Joy sat right next to my sadness. It hugged my despair. Peace held my hands. The overwhelming thoughts of the future was cradled by the God who knows the number of every star in the sky.
I wouldn't have ever chosen brain cancer as a trial to face; but, I'm thankful God saw fit for this to be my journey. It has created a resiliency in my faith that I otherwise wouldn't have known. I pray for God's glory to be brighter through this trial. For the Gospel of Jesus, His Glory, and my refinement through fire... I will continue to praise Him; I'll endure because He is my strength. I know a time is coming where there is no more suffering and the tears will be wiped away for those who trust and believe.
You rejoice in this, even though now for a short time, if necessary, you suffer grief in various trials so that the proven character of your faith-more valuable than gold which, though perishable, is refined by fire-may result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him; though not seeing him now, you believe in him, and you rejoice with inexpressible and glorious joy, because you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
1 Peter 1:6-9
Thank you to everyone who continues to love on us so kindly. We are grateful to have so many prayer warriors standing in the gap. My next scan is on June 7th. It will be my first scan without having chemo (or any treatment for that matter) for three months. Thinking about that scan can be overwhelming, but what an opportunity to continue to trust in what the Lord is doing!
Lifting you and your little family up in prayer regularly. Your faith is astonishing! I can't begin to really understand where your heart is in this journey. Just know I'm standing with you and pleading the blood of Jesus over you for your physical healing and His perfect will to be accomplished for His Glory.
ReplyDeleteThank you Cyndi, your prayers and encouragement are a gift.
DeleteAlways praying for you and your family! Thank you for sharing your faith and even your fears. It leaves me in awe every time I read your writing.
ReplyDeleteThank you Leslie, I am really grateful for your friendship <3
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