The Reprieve

Two blog posts in almost as many days... That hasn't happened in a long while. 

Let me take a few minutes to thank those who have reached out over the past few days.  Our family greatly appreciates you and your investment in our lives.  God has certainly surrounded us with a great cloud of witnesses.

I need to take a few minutes to offer some clarity on where we are now.  [When I write these posts, they are often a stream of consciousness.  It's to provide insight into our journey, but it's also (almost more so) for my own personal therapy.  It's somewhat of a mix of record-keeping and mental unloading.  I tend to write and unpack the moments that are significant (to me) and that I want to hold on to for the future (but not necessarily in my head, rather "on paper").]

With that being said, based on a lot of the questions and messages I took in over the past week, I do think I need to provide an update on where we are actually sitting today.  When I was writing that specific post, I was really focused on detailing some of those really hard days (as they've been some of the most impactful as of late).  I didn't consider the fact that, for many of those reading, you don't get to see the day to day life (the good and not-so-good); and in fact, some really only see the picture I painted. 

So, when I finished writing the post and published it I didn't really think I left it in a grave situation; the fact is when I went back and re-read my post, I fear I may have done just that.  The closing paragraphs about having 'leveled off' some were drastically overshadowed by the events of the preceding weeks (especially when I threw around commentary that included the words 'hospice' and 'palliative care'). 

Were those days that were detailed really scary and difficult? Absolutely
Was there serious concern that it may truly have been the final days? Without A Doubt  
Did we, at that time, have some really tough conversations internally with our family? Yes
Is there still a lingering feel that we don't fully know what's going on? Also, Yes

However, with all of that being said, here's where we are today and what we are looking forward to:

• Ash has somewhat stabilized.  She has adjusted well to her increased steroids and seizure medications.  It has brought about somewhat of a 'normal' condition.  She's playing with the kids when she can, was able to spend an hour or two with friends, doing her daily routine for the most part.  She is certainly not deep in the woods like she was a few weeks ago.  We are still having to seriously guard rest time and limit energy use, but at least there is energy to manage. Praise God for that!!
• With that being said, she is still having some focal seizure activity in her R foot.  This, however, is not atypical from the norm as we have been dealing with this activity for a long time. The frequency may be more than normal, but the severity is not.
• She's been able to move about freely with no assistance and can communicate normally. 

• The conversations around hospice, palliative care, etc. have subsided.  Not really thinking through the gravity those words would have when I wrote them... at the time they were so heavy and real; but with her having leveled off some post-infection/medication changes... the urgency of that conversation has diminished.

• She is scheduled to have another MRI mid-February.  Obviously, praying for good, stable results here.  (Drawing some conclusions I may not be qualified for, but if the scan continues to show stability and her clinical performance remains what it is now; I'd almost go back and classify the significant decline a result of the infection on her eye and her recovery just looked incredibly grim at the time)

Emotionally and spiritually, Ashley has certainly been on a roller coaster lately, but she is handling this all with the grace and dependence on Jesus that you'd expect.  There've been some really hard conversations, but to see the peace wash over her, even in those critical moments is nothing short of an honor.  The more we seem to walk through this journey, the more I see her continuing to trust Jesus all the more.

Lord willing, we can continue on at our present course/speed.  I'm sorry for writing that last post in a way that made it appear that we were still in the most dire of circumstances.  Though a few of those days surely felt thick and heavy (and dire), the fact is God, in His grace, has once again provided respite for our family.  We are thankful for the continued prayer!