The New and The Familiar

It’s real.️ It has a cover. Pages. Words. Rhythms. Pictures. And a Title, When I Hold You. My heart flutters when I see it. The book may have my name on the front, but this is ALL the Lord! 

A few days ago, I got really big box on my front porch. It was HEAVY… like whoa heavy! I definitely should have waited for David to move the box inside. But all is well, the girls and I managed to get it in. I didn't know what was in the box. The girls were having fun opening the box… then before I knew it, I had TEARS! The box was filled with copies of my book!! I was completely overwhelmed. I could feel God being so tender with my heart in those moments. All of those struggles with being able to write met with a crash of praising loudly for all he has done.

Zephaniah 3:17

“The Lord your God is in your midst,

    a mighty one who will save;

he will rejoice over you with gladness;

    he will quiet you by his love;

he will exult over you with loud singing.”

While I was still bubbling in my tears, I realized the girls were still ripping up the box. Fortunately, I found my wits and had a mommy save. So, what did I do? I got those girls some ice cream and hid the box. No shame. :)

In my wildest thoughts, I never thought about writing a book. Yet, God called me to write a children's book. I had so many doubts and just as many excuses. Lord, why are you asking me me to do this? Goodness, the whole idea sounded crazy. Wrong person, please. 

Why did I write “WIHU”? Why did God press it so heart? What was the purpose?

In the most simple and beautiful answer… it was all about OBEDIENCE TO CHRIST. 

Initially, when I was working on the book, I thought it was for my girls to remember me after my battle with terminal cancer. Then God spoke loudly, yet gently, to show me that WIHU is much more than just for my family. God had a better plan than just a personal story for my girls. A plan that I continue to pray would bring more glory to Him. I know that God can take one small phrase or some part of the illustration to bring others closer to Himself. With the scripture in the book, I really hope that others are encouraged by the truth of His faithful love. To hold others in the joy and sorrow.

Writing “WIHU” was anything but easy. The location of my brain cancer makes reading and writing nothing short of a hot MESS. So, when God called me to write this book, I ignored Him for a while. The longer I ignored... the louder and more clearly I heard Him push me in that direction.

 

I felt inadequate to follow where God was calling. I saw my flaws. Yet, He knew me. He made my life. He sees us inside and outside. We are his creation. And his love never, never changes. I knew that if He was indeed calling me, he would absolutely equip me. Even though at the start of this journey, I felt a bit like Jonah, by the end I am thankful and comforted in knowing that obedience to Christ is never unfulfilling. It is never empty. It is always for my good. It has been nothing short of a BLESSING! To get to work through every detail and see how He has provided. Through connecting with a publisher and then an illustrator, it has been nothing short of an encouragement. Through it all, this much is so clear- this one step of obedience has opened so many opportunities.

Being obedient to writing When I Hold You has revealed the fruit of following Christ during days of doubt yet ultimately remembering what God called me to do.

I hope and pray that from the beginning and the end you see God working all through it.

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Now, that we've covered the exciting news here's a snap back to reality.  Tomorrow is a scan day.

I have so many thoughts. At the end of it all though, the day is blanketed in this, 'Trust in God's plan...' There is nothing else than that. I know God to be faithful to bringing glory to His name and regardless of what tomorrow holds, God is still on the throne and I'm still covered by the Blood of the Lamb.  

 Job 22:21-22

“Come to terms with God and be at peace;

in this way good will come to you.

Receive instruction from his mouth,

and place his sayings in your heart.”

He made a plan for me including every day and every detail. ...and every scan.

Is. 25:1