No Surprises, Instead Foundation

There are no surprises to God.  He is not caught off guard by what He is sovereign over.  His unending love, His power, His presence... It is all a part of His character.  Though these trials that we face can catch us off balance, the fact that God is the rock and the foundation to my soul is the one thing that steadies my heart.  Learning to grow in the truth that He, and He alone, is the foundation on which everything hinges is where my heart finds itself these days.

Does that mean it's easy? No. This is absolutely the hardest trial that I'll face and in recent weeks the feeling of struggle and suffering has only increased. There are moments when I find it hard to trust in the plan that the Lord has for me.  There are times that I wonder what's coming around the corner.  The only peace that comes is knowing that God has written this story and has produced it from the beginning and, in ways I won't understand, that by learning to grow in that peace (the kind that only trusting in Jesus offers) I am able to press forward.

Though we are a couple of months away from the anniversary of my initial surgery, that day in late October back in 2017 was a day that was full of the most surprises.  Again, it is by God's grace that He sustained me and my family through those days.  I think back to that season and remember His faithfulness and provision.  Reflecting on God's goodness from moments in the past give way to building even greater trust in His goodness in the present, and if I grow in that trust for these moments in the present, how much more I will be able to trust Him for moments in the future.

Romans 8:26 says, "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words".

My emotions have been all over the place lately.  Frustration, fear, confusion, sadness... they are all playing a game in my head/heart.  God is so capable to handle all of my emotions; He can handle yours too.  I hope that you can see how God cares for you just as He has for me and my family.  He is wonderful and can see us and know us better than we can see and know ourselves.  He created us.

John Piper said in one of his books that 'No faithful suffering is wasted' and I believe that holds true more and more as the days go by. In these days where the wind whirls more and more, Jesus stills my heart.  He is perfect and is my sustaining Almighty.  He is able to do anything and His plan is perfect.  Though there is an increase in suffering, there is also an increase in faith.  I pray that others experience this too.

Tomorrow is another day of scans and appointments.  It will certainly be another day filled with uncertainty.  Since we've discovered that my tumor is progressing and that my ability to speak and remember how to do things is diminishing, tomorrow could help to answer the question of how fast things are changing compared to six weeks ago.

Regardless of what we learn tomorrow, there is one thing that remains true:  God is sovereign.  He is a rock.  He is a fortress.  He sustains.  He provides.  In Him, I will find rest and peace.  There is nothing about this cancer that is surprising to Him.

'...people are like the grass.  Their beauty fades as quickly as the flowers in a field. 
The grass withers and the flowers fade beneath the breath of the Lord. 
And so it is with people.  The grass withers and the flowers fade,
but the word of our God stands forever.'

Isaiah 40:6-8